Everyone! Stick to the list!!!

So I am feeling a little crazy lately. Whether it's because I've been off the Effexor (yes, I need anxiety meds and no, spraying lavender scented stuff doesn't help!) or whether it's because I crave organization so much, I don't know. I remember as a child and as an adolescent, even, cleaning my room before bed every night. I absolutely couldn't sleep if things were out of place. And SUPRISE! I'm still that way. I still clean before bed. And guess what else? I write a list every day. I feel like my world might just collapse if I don't have my little paper stability. Hmm. Now that I'm "writing" this out, I'm sounding a taddly bit OCD. That may be so. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I very much like for things to go as planned. Everyone should color between the lines and everything needs to go in exactly the order that is listed in the church bulletin. I get a little panicky when something unexpected gets thrown into the mix. Don't sing all four verses of "How Great Thou Art" if says to only sing 1,2, and 4. There are always people who are late catching on and the whole last verse sounds mushed up and chaotic.

As much as I need order and lists and cleanliness, I have had none of those this week so far. I feel like maybe I'm being taught some lessons. I have been up every morning for the past four days at three am with Hudson, me trying to hold him while he screams bloody murder. This has been like clockwork for us. I've even started waking up before the screaming begins, which means that this is becoming a schedule of sorts. Noooooo!!!

Needless to say, the lack of sleep is making me delusional, grumpy, and just a downright mess. My house has been turned inside out and upside down I feel like (please, ignore the desire to sing "Tag Team, Back Again. Check it direct it, let's begin..."). My list is completely unchanged since Friday...nothing has been done, including my studying. There are five chapters to be read and homework and tests and AGHHHHH!!

But you know what? It's okay. It's just okay! I had this moment today while at the doctor with Hudson when I realized, "I'm not special..." I don't mean that like, "aww, poor girl, she has low self-esteem!" No. I mean really, we are all the same. We all have the same craziness in this life at some point or another. There are days you'll have like I've had today: un-showered, hair unwashed and in a pony tail, a lowered tolerance for stupidity, and that crazy, Deliverance-ish look in your eyes... No doubt, we're all at the same place at some time or another. And that makes me feel good. I feel a little calmer knowing that quiet, organized days are the norm and that what I'm experiencing, just as you have at some point, is just NORMAL craziness.

So on that note, thanks for letting me talk out my craziness! And I can't ever forget to thank the people who make this blog posting business possible for me: My generous neighbors. They don't even know how kind they are! I should build them a cake. Yes, I think I'll build them a cake.

Happy Tuesday, everyone:)